Resources
Articles
This short article describes what mediation is and how it works at a practical level. If you are thinking about requesting mediation, this is a great place to start.
Tips to Maximize your Effectiveness in Mediation
Mediation is a conciliatory process increasingly used in the workplace to resolve conflict. It represents an opportunity to do something different, to stop fighting and collaborate. So, what can you do to make the most of your opportunity to achieve a mutually beneficial agreement notwithstanding prior unsuccessful attempts on your own?
To effectively manage or resolve problems, the discussion that takes place in mediation needs to be different from previous discussions. But how can it be different if the same people are talking about the same issues? The mediator(s) can help by establishing ground rules, slowing down the conversation, clarifying, and asking questions to promote understanding. But, having a mediator is no guarantee that you will have a successful outcome. Ultimately the success of mediation depends on you and the person with whom you'll be mediating. The purpose of this article is to help you think - before your mediation - about what you can do as a participant to give your mediation the best chance to succeed.
One of the most common complaints from clients entering mediation is that they cannot communicate with each other. This article introduces the concepts of good communication and discusses some of the common barriers to communication.
Many of us think that communication is talking - and talk we do. We interrupt, advise, reassure, judge, analyze, criticize, argue, moralize, threaten, divert, diagnose, etc., etc. But, good communication requires good listening as well as talking. In fact, since we have two ears and only one mouth, listening just might be the more important skill. However, we receive almost no training in good listening and usually do not realize that really "hearing" someone is not a passive activity.
The issue of respect comes in several varieties. These three seem particularly popular:
• Whether or not someone is treating someone else respectfully
• Whether or not someone deserves or has earned respect.
• How much respect is shown (or not shown).
These discussions, my friends, are red herrings. They lead nowhere but to a repeated trading of perception, of offensive move followed by defensive move. They distract you from the conversation that is significant, the conversation that gets you off the respect/disrespect gerbil wheel and onto a useful path of discussion.
This article considers three things to do instead...
The value of venting is a myth. The theory on which the idea of venting anger is based has been repeatedly disproven since the 1950s. While it may feel cathartic, venting anger doesn’t purge aggression from your system or improve psychological state. In fact, it’s more likely to increase anger and aggressiveness.
The act of blaming, more often than not, is counterproductive to conflict resolution. Assigning blame allows the blamer to avoid taking any responsibility for their own actions while contending the conflict is entirely the responsibility of the other person. However, conflict is rarely generated by one person, alone. Blame does not change the argument or the facts of the situation. What it may do instead is put your colleague, friend, spouse, or teammate on the defensive, which in turn is likely to make them less receptive to your message.
Once we embrace that conflict is inevitable in social relationships, the question we have to ask is “how do we respond?” Responsibly, we’d hope. Yet, for the most part, when we are in conflict we are not very responsive and tend to be reactive. Shifting to a responsive approach to conflict is easier said than done. When we are in conflict situations, we are typically being triggered and reverting to our unconscious conflict handling scripts.
Videos
Whether at home, school, or in the workplace, John Zinsser observes that most people want to avoid disagreement, but at what cost? Like a summer thunder storm, conflict regularly occurs and has benefit. Zinsser makes the case that it's the legal-based model of how we react to conflict, which creates the maelstrom. For a more fulfilling path forward he encourages people to embrace conflict, using three way points to negotiate a beneficial outcome.
This video shows how the Conflict Resolution Model works. Conflict, and the resentment it breeds, massively undermines relationships at all levels.
The Norwegian Nobel Committee awarded Mr. Ahtisaari for his role as an outstanding international peace mediator. Through his constant efforts and personal commitment, Mr. Ahtisaari has demonstrated how important mediation can be for the resolution of conflicts. In this short video, Martti Ahtisaari highlights the qualities of a good mediator.
Do you dread difficult conversations? Avoiding conflict doesn't save relationships. Managing conflict makes them stronger. Learn the tools that turn conflicts into positive outcomes in this workshop-style course with philosopher of leadership and LinkedIn Influencer Fred Kofman. He takes a real-life story of conflict and shows how careful listening, negotiation, and commitment can turn opponents into allies and create a renewed shared purpose.